Hope, fear...

There is a hope that comes from love. When you find it you fight for it. Hope even comes from fear, you face the things that you're afraid of and concur those fears it gives you hope to concur other fears that you face.

I have been absent for some time for good reason but hope and fear have met in the middle and now I begain to repair.

Thoughts

We start asking what is the next stage in human evolution? The answer to me is simple, continue to explore. Some would say we have reached our limit, reached the far ends of the globe what else is there. I say look above to the skies or below to the seas. Both are worlds not yet truly explored and both hold vast knowledge and secrets have yet to be found.

Bully

Music blasting through the door
I could not take the shame
You burst in and scream my name
My body hangs
Hold me up and cry for help
Cut me loose smash the shelf
Lay here now frozen in time
My body stays but not my mind

I would have changed the world you see
My ideas would have set you free
You had to bully me
Now I stray in restless sleep

Never was a gentle man, now setting still holding my hand
Trying so hard to understand

I would have changed the world you see
My ideas would have set you free
You had to bully me
Now I stray in restless sleep

Disappear

Disappear , why can't we decide when we've had enought and just leave? What if a person is just not made wonder this world, can't a person be not worth the resouses they take up?

Invisible , I can see my refelction so I know I'm here but still I remain unseen.

An unwanted speck amongst 7 billion specks on this planet. 

I long for a romance, someone I can love and who will love me but as time has gone by I'm no longer dumb to the fact of my impending loneliness. 

Why can't the ivisable just disappear?

Deep in thought...

Wish

I wish for a kiss or would you hold my hand. Hugs are no longer enough.

Wish you would see me, let me in. This longing is painful something I can't hardly stand anymore.

I wish for a kiss.

I wish to be loved, to love someone in return. I wish to love you but you're not sure.

I wish for a kiss.

So board with life, as busy as I am and as many things that I have already done this seems crazy but I'm board with life. It seems empty to me and lacking meaning. Full of work and no enjoyment. Is this it? At such a young age is this all I have to look forward?

Someone sometime

You have to trust someone sometime, I've been told this recently but my experience has been that once you give some your trust they let you down pushing you to distrust even more then before.

Then there are the ones who let you down but you have to be nice because they have helped you, saved you from the streets but in letting you down they have placed you back on the streets.

You have to trust some one sometime, we'll I disagree. Trust is earned not given and if you break that trust you have to work twice as hard to get it back.

Unhappy with you though you see me clear as day and respect is not an issue. I'm still unhappy with you. Longing for something more, though the thought scares me, I long for something more as you latch onto the past that has long since moved on.
I want to stand up and scream , here I am don't you see me?!
Alas I remain silent, patient , waiting..

Now a new fear comes along, the fear of missed opportunity.

Cave

It's warm in my cave, fire burning as the other half of the world comes alive. Deep in the evening I lay awake and listen. 

There are sounds made by man and sounds no man could ever dream to make. Hundreds of tiny voices call out to each other in a code still yet to be broken. All together it is a chorus of a dozen different songs sung at the same time, but I do not dare venture from the glow, the safety of my home. It's warm inside my cave, where I close my eyes till morn.

Patch

More than the sea

Run my fingers through you, cold and wet with a life of your own.. With that life you have power. The power to to give life or take it away, to remain calm or create a fury like nothing ever seen. You wiped out the world but returned it clean. Ever churning, ever free. The canoe cuts through you strait, clean, I run my fingers through you so to take a piece of that life for me..
I wandered floating in your vast seas, rivers, lakes, streams.. I found my voice when you poured down on my face, found my strength swimming through your waves and learned what was respect when I sailed through your fury.
Now I'll enjoy you, lay back ,arms stretched out on either side and run my fingers through you..

Fog

There have been hundreds of unfinished letters, responses to things left unsaid, and months of learning to be oneself again. Memories lost in a fog of trauma and abandonment. Some a welcome loss other are missed. Thinking on the past seems a waste but when it's that past that haunts you sometimes you can find yourself drowning in thoughts......

White night

Half the block is still dark, their third day without electricity. Our side went two. Arctic temperatures in the city but with this came a gift, a glimpse into the past and a chance to truly listen to the stars. First came the snow and oh how it fell. Large white flakes that seemed to never end, for hours they would fall.  It was the type that packed well for igloos and snow balls. First it reached your ankles then your knees but with this snow came an arctic breeze. The temperature dropped to twenty below the the lights went out leaving a white glow. There were no cars on the street no planes in the sky. The world was silent, interrupted only by the crackle of the fire.